LEVEL: INTERMEDIATE TO ADVANCED
Original Document
Read the business letter below from a bank to a customer. What do you think? Was it clear and easy to read? How could you improve it?
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Our Comments
- The first and last paragraph contain incomplete sentences (they don’t have subjects, e.g. I, we).
- The writer uses out-of-date language such as: wish to advise; captioned; in accordance with; hereby; furnish; perusal; and kindly.
- Paragraph 2 contains a run-on sentence (two sentences joined by a comma). Either start a new sentence, add a clause or use a conjunction to combine the sentences.
- Paragraphs 2 and 3 each contain two separate points. Each paragraph should contain a single point only.
- The writer uses irregular sentence constructions, making it difficult to read and understand.
- There are several grammatical errors. All business documents should be edited and proof-read before being sent.
Re-written Document
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